a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
