you guys were way drunker than both of me
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
