is your mom at the bar?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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