I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
