I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
