I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
