Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
