You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
