Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
someone owes me an orgasm
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
