There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
