I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
