Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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