dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
