i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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