fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
