I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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