I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
