Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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