he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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