Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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