Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
