She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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