Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
