East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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