do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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