i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
