Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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