I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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