I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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