if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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