my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
