I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
