Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
