It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
