Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
