my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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