Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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