how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
