Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i think i just lost a toe
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
