Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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