Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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