it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
