Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
