no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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