I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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