cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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