Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
