are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
