Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
