I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
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