Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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