wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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