and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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