Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
what day is it and did you see me today?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
