Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
