dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
