omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
