Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
What a dumb baby whore.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
