You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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