I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
