peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Fuck appropriateness.
zippers are such a cool invention
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
