being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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