i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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