Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
