Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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