I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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