How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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