??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
