i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You smell like stripper and shame
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You made out with two different species that night
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
