our cab driver is having phone sex.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
