Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm always down for nudity.
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