when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
