My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
