How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
