i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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