Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
