you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
