Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
