and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
