I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
