I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
