I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
