I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So many bounce houses so little time
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
